Forth installment, if you have read the previous scroll down, this is not PC, you have been warned !
The Plan
The simple version of the plan is to do enough training, so that you find your self at 20 miles into the run in good shape, so that you can run the last 6 miles to the finish. 6 miles from the finish is actually the half way mark, once there you’re over the hump and a smile starts to creep on to your face, by the time you hit the line you will have a big shit eating grin that last for years. That is what we are going to do here.
The first thing is to have a plan, there are loads on the internet some you have to pay for, some are free, the choice is yours. Do you want to do a 13 week, 26 week or a 52 week program, figure out how much time you are going to spend on this, I prefer a long lead up, working on my base and endurance. Then go hard for 13 weeks, with a built in two week taper, any longer than that and my attention starts to wander, plus it don’t seem to long for your support crew to put up with your prima donna shit.
I do have a plan on the original script, this blog won't let me post it from excel, if you want a copy, drop me an email.
Friends, neutrals and speedbumps
I find my self putting people into one of three groups:
Friends, these are people who believe in me and support me in my endeavours, tell me the truth and have a genuine interest in what I am doing. Guys that are willing to put themselves out for me, just as I would for them. You know who you are, love you loads
Neutrals, these are the ones that normally aren’t quite listening then the penny drops, they do the mental mathematics on the distances and they stand with their mouths open, or they just aren’t interested, that’s OK, they are happy with their lot, good for them.
Speedbumps, You are the biggest one, you will stop yourself from succeeding no one else, you are the one who will ultimately cave in, when the training gets hard or it’s raining, blowing, too hot, too cold or any other fucking excuse. They come in many guises, they often seem like friends only to worm their way in to stop you from succeeding, some of the things they come out with seem innocuous, “You are training a lot, are you OK”, may sound like concern but it sows doubt in the mind, or the usual one is “Your becoming obsessed with training”, of course you are, obsessed is what the lazy call the determined. Speedbumps are the ones who tell you that it’s stupid to attempt such things, Fuck ‘em, go round them, don’t listen to their shit, they’re just jealous they haven’t the commitment you have, yet these are the same twats that bask in your reflected glory when you finish, “Yeah, my mate does the Ironman”, twat, or “ I knew he could do it really”, no they fucking didn’t cos they’re speedbumps, they don’t like any one else to realise they dreams, cos it make them think of their own wasted life.
Blueprint of a psychotic
Ironman is not hobby or something you do to impress “the partner”, it’s a way of life, an addiction an all consuming passion to finish or improve. If you can’t or won’t commit to it then fuck off, why have you read this much if you can’t commit. I’m not fucking about here, you become driven, obsessed, controlled by it, it takes over your life.
When your friends are going for a night out, you’re having an early night cos you have a 100 mile ride followed by a 8 mile run the following morning and you know it will fuck you up if you go with them. Your whole life revolves around training and racing, your view of society is not what it was, you look at people differently.
Let a ‘normal’ person read this, they won’t understand that we feel nervous, irritable and discontented with life if we don’t get our fix and that is what out training becomes, our drug of choice, we are no different to drug addicts, alcoholics, gamblers or any thing else that is addictive.
We live to train and train to live, everything else become secondary, although we say we give over time to friends and family, it’s done grudgingly, be fucking honest.
Notice how twitchy you become during rest days, the taper weeks are unbearable, this is normal for us, we have a distorted view of life, mortals will never understand it.
JFT Graham
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Wednesday, 16 September 2009
Third installment, if you havn't read the others scroll down. WARNING ! contains adult language and themes..........
Base
Lets face it if you are a big fat lardy cunt that waddles like a bulldog and have to talc your thighs, at the moment this is probably not for you, work on it for a couple of years and get that Thermite burning nice and hot, on the other hand maybe you’ve done a couple of Oly’s or a HIM and want to move it up a level. To be honest you need to develop a good base to work off, endurance and a solid core are essential.
The base comes from long winter training sessions at a lower intensity, throwing in the occasional speed session, think nothing of going down the pool for a 4k focused swim from Dec to Jan, or doing 3 or 4 hours on the Turbo trainer(I mean it I’ll bitch slap you, if you carry on thinking like that).
When it’s pissing it down and too dark to get out, don’t be a twat about riding in the dark, car drivers can’t see you on a sunny day so you’ve no fucking chance at night. Buy Spinerval DVDs, I recommend, Mental Toughness, Tough love and Have Mercy 2 (The sequel), Coach Troy takes you through a one and a half, two and 3 hours of structured workout, the time just flies by.
Get well wrapped up and go for 2 hour runs once or twice a week, shorter runs of one hour at lunch, as long as you’re focused on what you’re doing forget about speed for the winter, we’ll deal with the Billy and bricks later!
Ironman is all about endurance, you can’t race it if you haven’t got it, I dropped a guy that used to train with me after he suggested that we take a short cut on a 70 miler, “only do 50 but tell every one that we rode a fast 70”, the guys a cunt, 5 years down the line I am regularly placed in the top 4 in endurance events, and he’s still a gunner (gunner do this, gunner do that). Don’t lie about your training, when you do you are cheating yourself, to me that is a crime against your dreams. Make your mind up, are you going to commit to this or just be another gunner.
Learn to breathe, I’m not kidding, the amount of people who have trained with me that say they run out of breath is unreal. Why do you breathe, if you said “ to get oxygen into the system” BONG! Wrong answer. You breathe to get rid of toxic build up in the body, that and I’ve taken my foot off your throat. You need to breathe all the crap out of the lungs before you refill them, think about it, this is basic shit you should know.
Your blood fills up with Carbon Dioxide, dumps it in the lungs, you get rid of it by breathing out, if you don’t empty your lungs how can you replenish the oxygen in the muscles.
Focus on your breath, it will pay dividends.
Core
Without a strong core you have squat, I’m not talking 6 pack or a Muscle Mary, it’s developing core strength that you can build your endurance on. The following are photos of the exercises I do to develop my core, I know people have different name for them, don’t argue with me, just shut the fuck up and do them! Two or three times a week should do it, you must breathe with these exercises.
(I haven't got the room on this blog for the photos, look them up you idle twat)
The Plank, keep the body rigid for 6 normal breaths, do it 6 times and for fucks sake breathe…( insert photo here)
The Banana, lay on your side, find your balance, lift your legs and stretch down with your arm, hold for 6 breaths, do it 6 times. …( insert photo here)
The Sky Diver, onto your belly, lift your arms up and back at the same time as lifting your legs, 6 by 6. …( insert photo here)
Spotty Dog (gotta be over 40 to get that one), like the Sky Diver only opposite arm and leg, 6 by 6. …( insert photo here)
Mini-ups, like sit ups, but again just come up about 6 inches, watch your back and hold for 6 by 6. …( insert photo here)
This is not a substitute for weight training, you idle twat, it complements it.
Nutrition
Here’s some thing for you to think about, training does not make you faster or stronger. Training + recovery + right nutrition, will. Think about it, if you put shit fuel in a Formula One race car, it’s ain’t gonna run right, right!
Run your own car on too lean or too rich, a mixture and you get shit mileage, and/or a fucked up engine,
Think about it, you are that engine! Shit in = Shit out. I’m not talking about becoming a diet freak, just common sense. If you eat nothing but junk food, chips, burgers, kebabs, fry ups, vast quantities of booze, don’t expect the kind of recovery you get with Right eating. Plenty of clean carbs good balance of clean protein and a little good fat. Throw away the fucking frying pan! Stop living on take aways.
The ‘Eat all you can’ sign in restaurants is not a challenge, but it is fun, I’ve been to places with friends who where in heavy training like myself, after a while they ask us to ease up cos there are other people that would like to eat at the buffet, cool. Another time at a pasta party I was asked to put food back if I wasn’t going to eat it, Fucking muppet.
Clean carbs.
Pasta, bread, potatoes, rice (brown or white), sweet potatoes, loads of veggies, just don’t cover them in fats.
Clean protein.
Chicken, steak(lean), fish if you eat flesh, Quorn, TVP, cottage cheese if your Veggi. Again no fats.
Clean fats.
Peanut butter, olive oil, grapeseed oil. All used in moderation.
Lots of fluids, fuck off, that’s not an excuse to drink beer and claim your carbo loading, I tried that one, ended up in AA. Drink water, juices (if you can afford a juicer even better), energy drinks before, during and after training. Hydration is paramount.
My diet was really fucked up until my coach got hold of it, sorted me out a treat. Still inhale food 6 times a day, 4,500 – 5,000 calories a day in peak weeks. I’m a veggi, even so, don’t come near me when I’m eating unless you want to pull back a fucking stump, I think nothing of destroying a fully loaded Veggi pizza the size and thickness of a toilet seat on my own as a snack, you’ve gotta feed the machine!
Try to eat every 3 hours or so, it doesn’t have to be a full meal, just keep the stomach on idle, Fruit or energy bars to snack on during the day are good, small and regular through out the day, my last meal is about 10 o’clock at night, usually a peanut butter and banana sarni washed down with a protein shake, if your head is telling you, you can’t eat that late, look out side your front door, me and Ray Liotta are waiting there to pistol whip you, just like in the film Goodfellows, you pussy.
Base
Lets face it if you are a big fat lardy cunt that waddles like a bulldog and have to talc your thighs, at the moment this is probably not for you, work on it for a couple of years and get that Thermite burning nice and hot, on the other hand maybe you’ve done a couple of Oly’s or a HIM and want to move it up a level. To be honest you need to develop a good base to work off, endurance and a solid core are essential.
The base comes from long winter training sessions at a lower intensity, throwing in the occasional speed session, think nothing of going down the pool for a 4k focused swim from Dec to Jan, or doing 3 or 4 hours on the Turbo trainer(I mean it I’ll bitch slap you, if you carry on thinking like that).
When it’s pissing it down and too dark to get out, don’t be a twat about riding in the dark, car drivers can’t see you on a sunny day so you’ve no fucking chance at night. Buy Spinerval DVDs, I recommend, Mental Toughness, Tough love and Have Mercy 2 (The sequel), Coach Troy takes you through a one and a half, two and 3 hours of structured workout, the time just flies by.
Get well wrapped up and go for 2 hour runs once or twice a week, shorter runs of one hour at lunch, as long as you’re focused on what you’re doing forget about speed for the winter, we’ll deal with the Billy and bricks later!
Ironman is all about endurance, you can’t race it if you haven’t got it, I dropped a guy that used to train with me after he suggested that we take a short cut on a 70 miler, “only do 50 but tell every one that we rode a fast 70”, the guys a cunt, 5 years down the line I am regularly placed in the top 4 in endurance events, and he’s still a gunner (gunner do this, gunner do that). Don’t lie about your training, when you do you are cheating yourself, to me that is a crime against your dreams. Make your mind up, are you going to commit to this or just be another gunner.
Learn to breathe, I’m not kidding, the amount of people who have trained with me that say they run out of breath is unreal. Why do you breathe, if you said “ to get oxygen into the system” BONG! Wrong answer. You breathe to get rid of toxic build up in the body, that and I’ve taken my foot off your throat. You need to breathe all the crap out of the lungs before you refill them, think about it, this is basic shit you should know.
Your blood fills up with Carbon Dioxide, dumps it in the lungs, you get rid of it by breathing out, if you don’t empty your lungs how can you replenish the oxygen in the muscles.
Focus on your breath, it will pay dividends.
Core
Without a strong core you have squat, I’m not talking 6 pack or a Muscle Mary, it’s developing core strength that you can build your endurance on. The following are photos of the exercises I do to develop my core, I know people have different name for them, don’t argue with me, just shut the fuck up and do them! Two or three times a week should do it, you must breathe with these exercises.
(I haven't got the room on this blog for the photos, look them up you idle twat)
The Plank, keep the body rigid for 6 normal breaths, do it 6 times and for fucks sake breathe…( insert photo here)
The Banana, lay on your side, find your balance, lift your legs and stretch down with your arm, hold for 6 breaths, do it 6 times. …( insert photo here)
The Sky Diver, onto your belly, lift your arms up and back at the same time as lifting your legs, 6 by 6. …( insert photo here)
Spotty Dog (gotta be over 40 to get that one), like the Sky Diver only opposite arm and leg, 6 by 6. …( insert photo here)
Mini-ups, like sit ups, but again just come up about 6 inches, watch your back and hold for 6 by 6. …( insert photo here)
This is not a substitute for weight training, you idle twat, it complements it.
Nutrition
Here’s some thing for you to think about, training does not make you faster or stronger. Training + recovery + right nutrition, will. Think about it, if you put shit fuel in a Formula One race car, it’s ain’t gonna run right, right!
Run your own car on too lean or too rich, a mixture and you get shit mileage, and/or a fucked up engine,
Think about it, you are that engine! Shit in = Shit out. I’m not talking about becoming a diet freak, just common sense. If you eat nothing but junk food, chips, burgers, kebabs, fry ups, vast quantities of booze, don’t expect the kind of recovery you get with Right eating. Plenty of clean carbs good balance of clean protein and a little good fat. Throw away the fucking frying pan! Stop living on take aways.
The ‘Eat all you can’ sign in restaurants is not a challenge, but it is fun, I’ve been to places with friends who where in heavy training like myself, after a while they ask us to ease up cos there are other people that would like to eat at the buffet, cool. Another time at a pasta party I was asked to put food back if I wasn’t going to eat it, Fucking muppet.
Clean carbs.
Pasta, bread, potatoes, rice (brown or white), sweet potatoes, loads of veggies, just don’t cover them in fats.
Clean protein.
Chicken, steak(lean), fish if you eat flesh, Quorn, TVP, cottage cheese if your Veggi. Again no fats.
Clean fats.
Peanut butter, olive oil, grapeseed oil. All used in moderation.
Lots of fluids, fuck off, that’s not an excuse to drink beer and claim your carbo loading, I tried that one, ended up in AA. Drink water, juices (if you can afford a juicer even better), energy drinks before, during and after training. Hydration is paramount.
My diet was really fucked up until my coach got hold of it, sorted me out a treat. Still inhale food 6 times a day, 4,500 – 5,000 calories a day in peak weeks. I’m a veggi, even so, don’t come near me when I’m eating unless you want to pull back a fucking stump, I think nothing of destroying a fully loaded Veggi pizza the size and thickness of a toilet seat on my own as a snack, you’ve gotta feed the machine!
Try to eat every 3 hours or so, it doesn’t have to be a full meal, just keep the stomach on idle, Fruit or energy bars to snack on during the day are good, small and regular through out the day, my last meal is about 10 o’clock at night, usually a peanut butter and banana sarni washed down with a protein shake, if your head is telling you, you can’t eat that late, look out side your front door, me and Ray Liotta are waiting there to pistol whip you, just like in the film Goodfellows, you pussy.
Friday, 11 September 2009
Second installment, this is just as abusive as the first, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, if you're just starting to read this, scroll down to read the earlier missives.
JFT Graham
JFT (Just fucking train)
I have a T-shirt from Animal pak that has the logo “Shut the fuck up and train” that kinda sums it all up, this is not abuse, it’s a simple fact, if you want to train, you train like your life depended on it, every length you swim, every mile you bike and run takes you closer to your dream being realised. Remember, an unfulfilled dream is just mental masturbation. Fuck every thing else, nothing matters other than the session, no bills, no family problems, no office politics, not what you’re going to eat, no Tesco shopping, no he said/ she said shit, come training with me and start that crap and I’ll bitch slap you like you’re ginger.
Every time you train, mentally light that internal fuse that ignites the fire storm inside, have you ever seen Thermite burn, become an animal, you’re not doing this to impress any one, so fuck ‘em, if they come out with the usual shit “It’s not good for you” ask them if they’ve looked in the mirror lately cos it’s usually said by a lardy cunt, or the classic “Don’t you think your doing too much” ask them what their experience of doing an Ironman is, if they’ve never done one repeat these words “BITE ME”, accept experience not thoughts, keep the focus going no matter what, when the internal critic starts up with all the negative crap, mentally bite it in the face and laugh out loud. If you have no control over any thing else, you control your training!. Accept nothing but your best, every session is your last one, so enjoy it.
There will be times when you push yourself so hard that you dump your last meal all over the bars of your turbo trainer or into the gutter at the end of the swim lane, when your head hurts and your lungs burn, when you run so hard you have sparkly bits in front of your eyes or your ears ring from oxygen debt so that the people talking to you sound like they are talking in a fucking tunnel, you have to micro-pore tape your nipples cos they’re bleeding, when you have to come down the stairs backward cos you quads are jelly, when you’ve been in the saddle so long there is no feeling in your genitals, remember I FEEL THAT SHIT TOO.
Find out what fires you up, for me it certain music, memories of going over the finish line, things that piss me off, people that I feel resentful to or hate, some things that are to dark to print. Some are really emotional, like how those who support me put themselves out for me, that shit really brings a lump to my throat. I gather that energy up and throw it on the fire, Burn! mother fucker Burn!. Energy is energy, use it constructively to take you closer to your dream.
Get you self a coach, someone who knows what it’s about and won’t take your shit, I guarantee you will improve beyond your wildest dreams. A coach can look at what you’re doing from a different angle and spot things you can’t, best thing I ever did was to get a coach, solid training.
When Daley Thompson was asked why he trained 4 times on Christmas Day, his answer was a simple one, ‘Cos my rivals only trained 3 times’. Do you understand yet? This is it your one shot at immortality, don’t fuck it up. You know that you can train harder, so you do. There are no limits to how much you can do, the only limiter is you. You will force yourself to do that last 400mts swim interval or the last mile of a run/bike, to the best of your abilities, no-one else. This is your commitment to greatness and I want you to succeed. When you finish a hard session, make sure that everyone who was training with you knows it. You want everyone leaving there to be afraid to train with you.” Fuck that, I ain't training with G4, he pushes all the fucking time”. I love to hear those words.Training hard does not mean running a marathon every session or riding a century every time you go out. Just because you train like an Animal doesn't mean you should destroy yourself. Train hard, work till you get the results you require, then stop. Recovery is your friend, if you’re recovering do it with focus. I have had loads of people asking me how do you get used to doing six hour rides, it’s simple, get on your bike and ride away from your house for 3 hours , turn round and ride back. You ride for six fucking hours, there’s no short cuts, endurance is endurance is endurance.
How do you know it’s going well? Look inside, be honest, you know the truth, Coach Troy came out with a good one “Remember you don’t cheat me you only cheat yourself” that one really hits home, when I want to back off, those words ring in my ears. When people that know me tell me I’m looking a little gaunt, that’s good, it means that I am coming down to race weight , that’s another thing, instead of paying thousands of pounds to lighten you road bike, drop some fucking lard, works out a lot cheaper.
How do you know when you’ve done too much, if you hear the words “ Oh, he’s coming round now” back off a bit, another clue is, piss should not be brown and burn when you pass it and finally you should not be shitting blood. It’s OK to throw up, but not pass out.
‘Being your best’ has fuck all to do with beating anyone or being faster than so and so, it’s about looking inside and knowing that you gave that session your best shot, whether it was a hard session or a recovery one, know that it was the best you could do. Don’t let the Ego get in the way, I remember coming back off a 70 mile bike, after giving it my all, warming down over the last mile, when some 10 year old on a BMX says “ wanna race, mate? “ I gave him my best Paddington Bear hard stare and replied “ Piss off, before I push you off.”, patience is one of my strong points along with eloquence.
Do not mistake arrogance for confidence, we have confidence that borders on arrogance, nobody likes a dick, even a big one. It only takes one miss directed out burst to turn every one against you, learn to become humble with those that support and train with you, always thank people for training/racing with you, even if they are wankers. The fire that burns inside is yours, don’t externalise it, don’t waste it, harness it for that next training session. One other thing, always thank marshals and volunteers, if it wasn’t for them you couldn’t race, they do this for free. Learn humility, learn to grow, do some marshalling,
JFT Graham
JFT (Just fucking train)
I have a T-shirt from Animal pak that has the logo “Shut the fuck up and train” that kinda sums it all up, this is not abuse, it’s a simple fact, if you want to train, you train like your life depended on it, every length you swim, every mile you bike and run takes you closer to your dream being realised. Remember, an unfulfilled dream is just mental masturbation. Fuck every thing else, nothing matters other than the session, no bills, no family problems, no office politics, not what you’re going to eat, no Tesco shopping, no he said/ she said shit, come training with me and start that crap and I’ll bitch slap you like you’re ginger.
Every time you train, mentally light that internal fuse that ignites the fire storm inside, have you ever seen Thermite burn, become an animal, you’re not doing this to impress any one, so fuck ‘em, if they come out with the usual shit “It’s not good for you” ask them if they’ve looked in the mirror lately cos it’s usually said by a lardy cunt, or the classic “Don’t you think your doing too much” ask them what their experience of doing an Ironman is, if they’ve never done one repeat these words “BITE ME”, accept experience not thoughts, keep the focus going no matter what, when the internal critic starts up with all the negative crap, mentally bite it in the face and laugh out loud. If you have no control over any thing else, you control your training!. Accept nothing but your best, every session is your last one, so enjoy it.
There will be times when you push yourself so hard that you dump your last meal all over the bars of your turbo trainer or into the gutter at the end of the swim lane, when your head hurts and your lungs burn, when you run so hard you have sparkly bits in front of your eyes or your ears ring from oxygen debt so that the people talking to you sound like they are talking in a fucking tunnel, you have to micro-pore tape your nipples cos they’re bleeding, when you have to come down the stairs backward cos you quads are jelly, when you’ve been in the saddle so long there is no feeling in your genitals, remember I FEEL THAT SHIT TOO.
Find out what fires you up, for me it certain music, memories of going over the finish line, things that piss me off, people that I feel resentful to or hate, some things that are to dark to print. Some are really emotional, like how those who support me put themselves out for me, that shit really brings a lump to my throat. I gather that energy up and throw it on the fire, Burn! mother fucker Burn!. Energy is energy, use it constructively to take you closer to your dream.
Get you self a coach, someone who knows what it’s about and won’t take your shit, I guarantee you will improve beyond your wildest dreams. A coach can look at what you’re doing from a different angle and spot things you can’t, best thing I ever did was to get a coach, solid training.
When Daley Thompson was asked why he trained 4 times on Christmas Day, his answer was a simple one, ‘Cos my rivals only trained 3 times’. Do you understand yet? This is it your one shot at immortality, don’t fuck it up. You know that you can train harder, so you do. There are no limits to how much you can do, the only limiter is you. You will force yourself to do that last 400mts swim interval or the last mile of a run/bike, to the best of your abilities, no-one else. This is your commitment to greatness and I want you to succeed. When you finish a hard session, make sure that everyone who was training with you knows it. You want everyone leaving there to be afraid to train with you.” Fuck that, I ain't training with G4, he pushes all the fucking time”. I love to hear those words.Training hard does not mean running a marathon every session or riding a century every time you go out. Just because you train like an Animal doesn't mean you should destroy yourself. Train hard, work till you get the results you require, then stop. Recovery is your friend, if you’re recovering do it with focus. I have had loads of people asking me how do you get used to doing six hour rides, it’s simple, get on your bike and ride away from your house for 3 hours , turn round and ride back. You ride for six fucking hours, there’s no short cuts, endurance is endurance is endurance.
How do you know it’s going well? Look inside, be honest, you know the truth, Coach Troy came out with a good one “Remember you don’t cheat me you only cheat yourself” that one really hits home, when I want to back off, those words ring in my ears. When people that know me tell me I’m looking a little gaunt, that’s good, it means that I am coming down to race weight , that’s another thing, instead of paying thousands of pounds to lighten you road bike, drop some fucking lard, works out a lot cheaper.
How do you know when you’ve done too much, if you hear the words “ Oh, he’s coming round now” back off a bit, another clue is, piss should not be brown and burn when you pass it and finally you should not be shitting blood. It’s OK to throw up, but not pass out.
‘Being your best’ has fuck all to do with beating anyone or being faster than so and so, it’s about looking inside and knowing that you gave that session your best shot, whether it was a hard session or a recovery one, know that it was the best you could do. Don’t let the Ego get in the way, I remember coming back off a 70 mile bike, after giving it my all, warming down over the last mile, when some 10 year old on a BMX says “ wanna race, mate? “ I gave him my best Paddington Bear hard stare and replied “ Piss off, before I push you off.”, patience is one of my strong points along with eloquence.
Do not mistake arrogance for confidence, we have confidence that borders on arrogance, nobody likes a dick, even a big one. It only takes one miss directed out burst to turn every one against you, learn to become humble with those that support and train with you, always thank people for training/racing with you, even if they are wankers. The fire that burns inside is yours, don’t externalise it, don’t waste it, harness it for that next training session. One other thing, always thank marshals and volunteers, if it wasn’t for them you couldn’t race, they do this for free. Learn humility, learn to grow, do some marshalling,
Thursday, 10 September 2009
As we are coming to the end of the season, not a lot of training is happening, it's all recovery stuff.
I decided to post some thing I wrote a few years ago for those interested in moving up to ironman events, I warn you now, there is a LOT of swearing and abuse, if you are offended by such, do not read any further.
I'll publish it in sections, if you nick any of it at least credit me.
Graham
I decided to post some thing I wrote a few years ago for those interested in moving up to ironman events, I warn you now, there is a LOT of swearing and abuse, if you are offended by such, do not read any further.
I'll publish it in sections, if you nick any of it at least credit me.
Graham
The Long Road Ahead
So you have seen an Ironman Triathlon and now want to do one, you’re all fired up with enthusiasm and ready to go, inspired by what you saw. That incredible effort of mind over body, watching people go to the very edge.
Just think 2.4 mile swim, 112mile bike and 26.2 mile marathon to finish.
Sorry unless you have already done one you can’t, you haven’t got the time or the discipline, you couldn’t commit the next year to eighteen months to the training, you couldn’t do that distance, especially in the time allotted, what about your girlfriend/boyfriend, wife/husband, children, friends, social life then there’s the holiday in Ibiza, you have work commitments, just add to the list……….
That’s not me talking that’s your internal critic, listen, the little voice that whispers that you’re useless, hopeless, worthless anything that ends in less. That is what will stop you from achieving your dreams, not my abuse, that’s here to light the fire that will burn like a forest fire inside you and drive you to achieve your dream.
If you read the glossies that tell you how to be a ‘real man’, how to get a six pack in 6 weeks, how to pull the partner of you dreams, tell you what to eat to be desirable, fuck off, it’s all mental masturbation, you’re being controlled and manipulated to take on a life you don’t need, fuck ‘em, I’m here to destroy that.
If on the other hand your inner voice went ‘Fuck yeah, lets do it’, welcome to my world, blood, sweat, tears, pain, cramps, micropore taped nipples, an emotional roller coaster you would not believe, and a feeling that only you can experience when you cross the finish line and every time you pull on your finishers T-shirt, that one day of pain and suffering for a life long shit eating grin.
Had a guy, I work with, ask me to scrounge him a finisher T-shirt, just so he could wear it in the Gym, didn’t have to say a word, everyone in the office ripped into him. Fucking speed bump, wanna be.
If your content with ‘doing’ the occasional Fun Run or go swimming 2 or 3 times a week, but all you do is hang on the gutter at the end of the lane and talk to your friend, great, fuck off and do ‘em, I’m talking Hard Core Training, when all the others are rotting their brains watching the box on a dark winter night, I’m finishing a 3hr Turbo session and just going for a 6 mile warm down run or while others are tucked up at 7am in a nice warm bed on a cold, rainy Saturday morning I’m doing a 15ml run then gulping down protein drinks that taste like liquid shit, driving a 30mile round trip to the nearest pool that will put up a lane for me when the kids are off school.
We are talking dedication to a sport, there’s no bullshitting in Ironman, you make it to the start line or wuss out, and you’ve gotta believe me I’m talking from experience , 05 Longest Day saw me going into the water with a pulled back muscle, still made it to 13mls into the run, we’ll cover DNF in a later chapter.
To be even fit for an Ironman needs a good base, most don’t ‘race’ until they have 2 or 3 Ironman races under their belt, the first ones are just survival events, as I write this, in 2005, I’m 52 and just finishing my 20th year in Tri’s. It took me 16 years of racing and training to have the bollocks to have a proper go at the Ironman, and all I can tell you is they are fucking great, I don’t care how long you’ve been doing the shorter events nothing compares to finishing an Ironman.
So what do I need to do an Ironman, heart of a lion, stamina of an ox, the brain of a jelly fish and a fucking good sense of humour, lets face it if you can’t laugh at the stupidity of the distances you are going to die, one way or another, so gather up all the romantic images you have of this race and along with your inner critic and flush ‘em down the shitter for a couple of years.
So you have seen an Ironman Triathlon and now want to do one, you’re all fired up with enthusiasm and ready to go, inspired by what you saw. That incredible effort of mind over body, watching people go to the very edge.
Just think 2.4 mile swim, 112mile bike and 26.2 mile marathon to finish.
Sorry unless you have already done one you can’t, you haven’t got the time or the discipline, you couldn’t commit the next year to eighteen months to the training, you couldn’t do that distance, especially in the time allotted, what about your girlfriend/boyfriend, wife/husband, children, friends, social life then there’s the holiday in Ibiza, you have work commitments, just add to the list……….
That’s not me talking that’s your internal critic, listen, the little voice that whispers that you’re useless, hopeless, worthless anything that ends in less. That is what will stop you from achieving your dreams, not my abuse, that’s here to light the fire that will burn like a forest fire inside you and drive you to achieve your dream.
If you read the glossies that tell you how to be a ‘real man’, how to get a six pack in 6 weeks, how to pull the partner of you dreams, tell you what to eat to be desirable, fuck off, it’s all mental masturbation, you’re being controlled and manipulated to take on a life you don’t need, fuck ‘em, I’m here to destroy that.
If on the other hand your inner voice went ‘Fuck yeah, lets do it’, welcome to my world, blood, sweat, tears, pain, cramps, micropore taped nipples, an emotional roller coaster you would not believe, and a feeling that only you can experience when you cross the finish line and every time you pull on your finishers T-shirt, that one day of pain and suffering for a life long shit eating grin.
Had a guy, I work with, ask me to scrounge him a finisher T-shirt, just so he could wear it in the Gym, didn’t have to say a word, everyone in the office ripped into him. Fucking speed bump, wanna be.
If your content with ‘doing’ the occasional Fun Run or go swimming 2 or 3 times a week, but all you do is hang on the gutter at the end of the lane and talk to your friend, great, fuck off and do ‘em, I’m talking Hard Core Training, when all the others are rotting their brains watching the box on a dark winter night, I’m finishing a 3hr Turbo session and just going for a 6 mile warm down run or while others are tucked up at 7am in a nice warm bed on a cold, rainy Saturday morning I’m doing a 15ml run then gulping down protein drinks that taste like liquid shit, driving a 30mile round trip to the nearest pool that will put up a lane for me when the kids are off school.
We are talking dedication to a sport, there’s no bullshitting in Ironman, you make it to the start line or wuss out, and you’ve gotta believe me I’m talking from experience , 05 Longest Day saw me going into the water with a pulled back muscle, still made it to 13mls into the run, we’ll cover DNF in a later chapter.
To be even fit for an Ironman needs a good base, most don’t ‘race’ until they have 2 or 3 Ironman races under their belt, the first ones are just survival events, as I write this, in 2005, I’m 52 and just finishing my 20th year in Tri’s. It took me 16 years of racing and training to have the bollocks to have a proper go at the Ironman, and all I can tell you is they are fucking great, I don’t care how long you’ve been doing the shorter events nothing compares to finishing an Ironman.
So what do I need to do an Ironman, heart of a lion, stamina of an ox, the brain of a jelly fish and a fucking good sense of humour, lets face it if you can’t laugh at the stupidity of the distances you are going to die, one way or another, so gather up all the romantic images you have of this race and along with your inner critic and flush ‘em down the shitter for a couple of years.
Wednesday, 2 September 2009
This is a copy of an email from Tony Fisher, a legend in ultra racing,
Dear Graham
Nice to be ‘on-board’ with you all for the treble.
I am very happy to share experiences with you but pls remember, in the Big World of Statistics, my comments are based on N = 1 !
There’s no doubt about it, the 3xIM is plenty hard: some people say that when you are out there it is every bit as painful as the 10xIM .. just mercifully shorter. My own bête noir is the swim: it’s not very very long but too long not to take very seriously .. as a non-swimmer, I get really fed up with it: for a good swimmer like you, it will be a strength. Just swim slowly and come out not motion sick and reasonably well fed.
The bike is too long not to take a pit stop. I can happily do a double non-stop, but need a 30 minute break (with crash sleep) at about 250 miles in the 3xIM. Seating position is important, of course: comfort is everything .. you can’t go fast when your ar** is hanging off! Just not stopping too often is the key: so* the speed. A big thing I find is to eat very well. The run, like any ultra, is the killer: be it 2xIM, 3xIM, 5xIM or 10xIM … you just can’t eat enough and the chances of blisters are very real (if not guaranteed).
The training thing for me is simple: loads. By November I’ll be training twice everyday except for Saturdays which is just a 2 hour Xcountry run. I swim 3 times per week; 60 mins, 60 mins and 120 mins. I’ll be biking to-and-from work, so that’s ~220 miles per week Mon to Friday on a heavy mountain bike. I’ll run twice: that Saturday Xcountry and Sunday long .. about 20 road miles at dawdle-pace.
Come February, I increase my long swim to 2-and-a-half hours. In April I get into top gear and drop the Saturday run for a 5 hour bike and run at least once a week 10 miles off the bike.
From May .. just more of everything … 6 hours bike on Saturday: 25 miles run on Sunday.
So you’ll see: my method is quite sad really .. no evidence at all of quality, just quantity. Any extra time I have goes into the run .. as much as I can spare without injury.
I hope all this nonsense is of some interest to you. Don’t be intimidated by the large amount that I do. I really am very short of natural talent: I have to substitute by doing loads. Most people succeed with far far less.
Final thought? It’s all hard but in the end, it’s in the run!
Let’s keep in touch. In a few months’ time (hopefully when I’ve thrown-off my present injury), I’ll keep a training log on the Web: I’ll send you the URL.
I think we are all fantastically fortunate to share the ambition, opportunity and ability to even consider these events. It is truly a brotherhood of like-minded people ‘doing for it themselves’ but with the support of those around them.
Very best wishes Tony
Dear Graham
Nice to be ‘on-board’ with you all for the treble.
I am very happy to share experiences with you but pls remember, in the Big World of Statistics, my comments are based on N = 1 !
There’s no doubt about it, the 3xIM is plenty hard: some people say that when you are out there it is every bit as painful as the 10xIM .. just mercifully shorter. My own bête noir is the swim: it’s not very very long but too long not to take very seriously .. as a non-swimmer, I get really fed up with it: for a good swimmer like you, it will be a strength. Just swim slowly and come out not motion sick and reasonably well fed.
The bike is too long not to take a pit stop. I can happily do a double non-stop, but need a 30 minute break (with crash sleep) at about 250 miles in the 3xIM. Seating position is important, of course: comfort is everything .. you can’t go fast when your ar** is hanging off! Just not stopping too often is the key: so* the speed. A big thing I find is to eat very well. The run, like any ultra, is the killer: be it 2xIM, 3xIM, 5xIM or 10xIM … you just can’t eat enough and the chances of blisters are very real (if not guaranteed).
The training thing for me is simple: loads. By November I’ll be training twice everyday except for Saturdays which is just a 2 hour Xcountry run. I swim 3 times per week; 60 mins, 60 mins and 120 mins. I’ll be biking to-and-from work, so that’s ~220 miles per week Mon to Friday on a heavy mountain bike. I’ll run twice: that Saturday Xcountry and Sunday long .. about 20 road miles at dawdle-pace.
Come February, I increase my long swim to 2-and-a-half hours. In April I get into top gear and drop the Saturday run for a 5 hour bike and run at least once a week 10 miles off the bike.
From May .. just more of everything … 6 hours bike on Saturday: 25 miles run on Sunday.
So you’ll see: my method is quite sad really .. no evidence at all of quality, just quantity. Any extra time I have goes into the run .. as much as I can spare without injury.
I hope all this nonsense is of some interest to you. Don’t be intimidated by the large amount that I do. I really am very short of natural talent: I have to substitute by doing loads. Most people succeed with far far less.
Final thought? It’s all hard but in the end, it’s in the run!
Let’s keep in touch. In a few months’ time (hopefully when I’ve thrown-off my present injury), I’ll keep a training log on the Web: I’ll send you the URL.
I think we are all fantastically fortunate to share the ambition, opportunity and ability to even consider these events. It is truly a brotherhood of like-minded people ‘doing for it themselves’ but with the support of those around them.
Very best wishes Tony
Friday, 21 August 2009
This was printed in my Local Government Magazine.
What does NELC’s very own Graham Marcussen have which Robert Downey Junior doesn’t? Graham is twice the guy Robert Downey Jnr is because he is a Double Ironman! So, before we ask him to ‘don his shiny metal suit and right the wrongs of the world, what does this actually mean to our very own Street Works Inspector!
An Ironman is 2.4 mile swim, 112 bike and 26.2 mile run, hard enough you’d think.
Double Ironman is the most gruelling of challenges which would even make Olympic decathletes whimper. Swim 4.8 miles, cycle 224 miles and run 52 mile one after the other with no rest or sleep… This year’s event was held over 2 days at a site near Litchfield in Staffordshire
So what makes our very own superhero tick?
6 weeks before the race Graham had a tumble on a run, badly injured his knee and thought he had put his back out with a re-occurrence of sciatica. The knee healed enough for Graham to think he had a chance of entering the race but, no matter what stretching he did for the back nothing would touch the pain going down his leg into his heel. About two weeks before the race Graham found out that the back issue was a condition called Piriformis syndrome. Armed with this knowledge he started a different stretching regime and used a golf ball to massage his muscles, this self help treatment led to the condition easing with only two days to go to the race! So, to the race day itself……
The event starts with the 4.8 mile pool swim (304 lengths) just the thing to blow off the cobwebs. Graham had made the decision to have an easy swim and be more relaxed for the next stage – a gruelling bike ride. Fortunately the other contenders sharing a lane with Graham were a pleasure to swim with, and kept out of his way which made things easier for Graham. No one was more surprised than him when his fellow competitors said he was in the lead! No mean feat for a 56 year old.
So, out of the water in two hours and seventeen minutes and after a three minute transition time – just enough to shake the damp out of your Speedos - , Graham saddled up for a 224 mile bike ride - a 14 mile loop ridden 16 times!
Having already had a voluntary soaking in the pool, Graham was now subjected to seven and a half hours of rain which for the first 120 miles was to say the least, a heavy downpour! However, as others started to join Graham on the course his spirits lifted and he warmed up to the extent that he also led this event for nearly three hours. It continued to rain until mid afternoon when it cleared up and the sun came out as a welcome respite. With over a hundred miles of peddling still to go, night started to fall but luckily the excellent Nite Flux lights that Graham had were, to quote the man himself.., “awesome” and he had no problem seeing the road ahead.
Some time around midnight, Graham heard another competitor say something about youths and a hose pipe – just when you thought it couldn’t get any wetter!
After he left the feed station, Graham came down the long hill and as he passed Roundabout Garage something stepped out of the shadows and he felt a strong jet of water hit him in the face. Temporarily blinded by this, Graham hit some gravel on the drive way and came off the bike. At the same time he felt a couple of blows on his back, which he was not sure if it was fist or boot. Where Robert Downey Junior’s Ironman would have been able to repel the youths with his metal suit’s integrated weapons system, our plucky hero grabbed the hose and turned it on the youths to keep them back, he then managed to get back on the bike and continued the race whilst the police were called to deal with the trouble makers. However, this episode affected Graham’s focus and in his words.., “it kinda went down hill from there, lost my confidence and just turned the pedals over, can’t tell you how many times I wanted to quit over the next few hours, just kept telling my self one more lap, plus Pink Sally (wife and coach) had the cattle prod ready”. So, with hosepipe Chavs vanquished it was off the bike and into the run – have I mentioned the run – it’s only 52 Miles, a 1.1 mile loop run 42 times, one third of it through a wood! Graham admits that by this stage he struggled for the first 4 or 5 laps until another competitor caught up with him and gave him ‘THE SECRET’ (which was run the down hill sections power walk the up hill ones), then it was just a case of plugging away at it,
42 miles into the run and Graham found the skin rubbing off his left heel. Easy to sort – Graham asked the medic to cut open the offending skin and superglue it back down. No surprise then that the race medic refused Graham’s request and just put a compeed plaster on the heel, Graham found that the last nine laps were very hazy, but a number of competitors ran some of the distance with him, and the turning point was the last reversed lap Graham did accompanied by Steve – also known as Enduroman (no doubt another caped superhero…) one of the organisers of the race- which Graham found very emotional. That finish line had never looked so good. So, after covering an incredible 281 miles over 38 hours Graham can still identify the high points – other racers and supporters keeping him going and sharing their smiles with him, the friendships he’s made, watching these guys hammer themselves with a smile/grimace on their face along with the banter from the commentators and compares on the mike. In fact Graham sums it up the biggest high point as being THE WHOLE BLOODY EXPERIENCE”. Surprisingly the only low point was getting a kicking from some Chavs although Graham is leaving it to the police to prosecute them as he has forgiven them. He also omits to say that he was the only 55+ contender to actually finish the whole event and complete the Double! As a prize he was awarded a free entry in to next years Triple Ironman, the first time it will be run in the UK.
So, Graham, you’ve got a Double Ironman and no doubt you will be getting prepared to enter for a Triple Ironman title but in the meantime…, if you think you could take the pace…., would you like to sign up for this year’s Lumbard Fun Run…? Pretty please……
What does NELC’s very own Graham Marcussen have which Robert Downey Junior doesn’t? Graham is twice the guy Robert Downey Jnr is because he is a Double Ironman! So, before we ask him to ‘don his shiny metal suit and right the wrongs of the world, what does this actually mean to our very own Street Works Inspector!
An Ironman is 2.4 mile swim, 112 bike and 26.2 mile run, hard enough you’d think.
Double Ironman is the most gruelling of challenges which would even make Olympic decathletes whimper. Swim 4.8 miles, cycle 224 miles and run 52 mile one after the other with no rest or sleep… This year’s event was held over 2 days at a site near Litchfield in Staffordshire
So what makes our very own superhero tick?
6 weeks before the race Graham had a tumble on a run, badly injured his knee and thought he had put his back out with a re-occurrence of sciatica. The knee healed enough for Graham to think he had a chance of entering the race but, no matter what stretching he did for the back nothing would touch the pain going down his leg into his heel. About two weeks before the race Graham found out that the back issue was a condition called Piriformis syndrome. Armed with this knowledge he started a different stretching regime and used a golf ball to massage his muscles, this self help treatment led to the condition easing with only two days to go to the race! So, to the race day itself……
The event starts with the 4.8 mile pool swim (304 lengths) just the thing to blow off the cobwebs. Graham had made the decision to have an easy swim and be more relaxed for the next stage – a gruelling bike ride. Fortunately the other contenders sharing a lane with Graham were a pleasure to swim with, and kept out of his way which made things easier for Graham. No one was more surprised than him when his fellow competitors said he was in the lead! No mean feat for a 56 year old.
So, out of the water in two hours and seventeen minutes and after a three minute transition time – just enough to shake the damp out of your Speedos - , Graham saddled up for a 224 mile bike ride - a 14 mile loop ridden 16 times!
Having already had a voluntary soaking in the pool, Graham was now subjected to seven and a half hours of rain which for the first 120 miles was to say the least, a heavy downpour! However, as others started to join Graham on the course his spirits lifted and he warmed up to the extent that he also led this event for nearly three hours. It continued to rain until mid afternoon when it cleared up and the sun came out as a welcome respite. With over a hundred miles of peddling still to go, night started to fall but luckily the excellent Nite Flux lights that Graham had were, to quote the man himself.., “awesome” and he had no problem seeing the road ahead.
Some time around midnight, Graham heard another competitor say something about youths and a hose pipe – just when you thought it couldn’t get any wetter!
After he left the feed station, Graham came down the long hill and as he passed Roundabout Garage something stepped out of the shadows and he felt a strong jet of water hit him in the face. Temporarily blinded by this, Graham hit some gravel on the drive way and came off the bike. At the same time he felt a couple of blows on his back, which he was not sure if it was fist or boot. Where Robert Downey Junior’s Ironman would have been able to repel the youths with his metal suit’s integrated weapons system, our plucky hero grabbed the hose and turned it on the youths to keep them back, he then managed to get back on the bike and continued the race whilst the police were called to deal with the trouble makers. However, this episode affected Graham’s focus and in his words.., “it kinda went down hill from there, lost my confidence and just turned the pedals over, can’t tell you how many times I wanted to quit over the next few hours, just kept telling my self one more lap, plus Pink Sally (wife and coach) had the cattle prod ready”. So, with hosepipe Chavs vanquished it was off the bike and into the run – have I mentioned the run – it’s only 52 Miles, a 1.1 mile loop run 42 times, one third of it through a wood! Graham admits that by this stage he struggled for the first 4 or 5 laps until another competitor caught up with him and gave him ‘THE SECRET’ (which was run the down hill sections power walk the up hill ones), then it was just a case of plugging away at it,
42 miles into the run and Graham found the skin rubbing off his left heel. Easy to sort – Graham asked the medic to cut open the offending skin and superglue it back down. No surprise then that the race medic refused Graham’s request and just put a compeed plaster on the heel, Graham found that the last nine laps were very hazy, but a number of competitors ran some of the distance with him, and the turning point was the last reversed lap Graham did accompanied by Steve – also known as Enduroman (no doubt another caped superhero…) one of the organisers of the race- which Graham found very emotional. That finish line had never looked so good. So, after covering an incredible 281 miles over 38 hours Graham can still identify the high points – other racers and supporters keeping him going and sharing their smiles with him, the friendships he’s made, watching these guys hammer themselves with a smile/grimace on their face along with the banter from the commentators and compares on the mike. In fact Graham sums it up the biggest high point as being THE WHOLE BLOODY EXPERIENCE”. Surprisingly the only low point was getting a kicking from some Chavs although Graham is leaving it to the police to prosecute them as he has forgiven them. He also omits to say that he was the only 55+ contender to actually finish the whole event and complete the Double! As a prize he was awarded a free entry in to next years Triple Ironman, the first time it will be run in the UK.
So, Graham, you’ve got a Double Ironman and no doubt you will be getting prepared to enter for a Triple Ironman title but in the meantime…, if you think you could take the pace…., would you like to sign up for this year’s Lumbard Fun Run…? Pretty please……
Sunday, 16 August 2009
Thursday, 13 August 2009
Wednesday, 12 August 2009
Had an easy 6 mile run before work, just to ease the last bits of crap out of the muscles from the Double.
The feeling in my toes is slowly returning, it's a bit like the feeling you get as local anesthetic wears off, that strange tingling sensation.
Thought for today: If I'm running as fast as I can today, how come, I can run faster tomorrow ?
Tuesday, 11 August 2009
I’ve just finished a weights session and I realised that some of you guys won’t know me and will have stumbled across this blog by accident or through a search engine. Allow me to introduce myself.
Greeting and Salutations,
I am Reverend Graham of Tri Talk fame, a legend in my own mind, born in England in July 1953, ex-military, worked in Local Government for over 30 years. I took ordination in 2004 the title Reverend is the nearest in Thai to what I am, my Thai name is Khonsonsang and my Indian name is Sudama, I am a practising Buddhist of the Thai forest Tradition.
I got into Triathlons from a running background, everything from 10k to marathons, then in 1985 I stepped up to Triathlons, all distances from sprints to Double Ironman,, last years Double (08) was interesting, I DNF’d at 180 miles into the bike with hypothermia, 3 Ironman distances have ended the same way.
Worked out a new training plan with my coach/wife Sally and completed the 4.8 mile swim 224 mile bike and 52 mile run in 38 hrs on 1st and 2nd of August this year (09). As a result of this I am now putting together a training plan for next years Triple Iron UK on August the 7th 8th and 9th 2010.
As I go along I’ll be adding to this blog, sharing some links and training tips, hope you enjoy the journey.
JFT Graham
Greeting and Salutations,
I am Reverend Graham of Tri Talk fame, a legend in my own mind, born in England in July 1953, ex-military, worked in Local Government for over 30 years. I took ordination in 2004 the title Reverend is the nearest in Thai to what I am, my Thai name is Khonsonsang and my Indian name is Sudama, I am a practising Buddhist of the Thai forest Tradition.
I got into Triathlons from a running background, everything from 10k to marathons, then in 1985 I stepped up to Triathlons, all distances from sprints to Double Ironman,, last years Double (08) was interesting, I DNF’d at 180 miles into the bike with hypothermia, 3 Ironman distances have ended the same way.
Worked out a new training plan with my coach/wife Sally and completed the 4.8 mile swim 224 mile bike and 52 mile run in 38 hrs on 1st and 2nd of August this year (09). As a result of this I am now putting together a training plan for next years Triple Iron UK on August the 7th 8th and 9th 2010.
As I go along I’ll be adding to this blog, sharing some links and training tips, hope you enjoy the journey.
JFT Graham
Well, this is my first post/blog, it's been a week since I completed the 2009 Double Iron Uk and the feeling still hasn't come back into my toes.
The idea of this blog is to keep you up to date with my next exploit, 2010 Triple Iron Uk.
The photo is of me being tattooed by Achan Insom in Thailand (traditional long stick method).
Hope you'll drop back as I get into training.
JFT Graham
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