Base
Lets face it if you are a big fat lardy cunt that waddles like a bulldog and have to talc your thighs, at the moment this is probably not for you, work on it for a couple of years and get that Thermite burning nice and hot, on the other hand maybe you’ve done a couple of Oly’s or a HIM and want to move it up a level. To be honest you need to develop a good base to work off, endurance and a solid core are essential.
The base comes from long winter training sessions at a lower intensity, throwing in the occasional speed session, think nothing of going down the pool for a 4k focused swim from Dec to Jan, or doing 3 or 4 hours on the Turbo trainer(I mean it I’ll bitch slap you, if you carry on thinking like that).
When it’s pissing it down and too dark to get out, don’t be a twat about riding in the dark, car drivers can’t see you on a sunny day so you’ve no fucking chance at night. Buy Spinerval DVDs, I recommend, Mental Toughness, Tough love and Have Mercy 2 (The sequel), Coach Troy takes you through a one and a half, two and 3 hours of structured workout, the time just flies by.
Get well wrapped up and go for 2 hour runs once or twice a week, shorter runs of one hour at lunch, as long as you’re focused on what you’re doing forget about speed for the winter, we’ll deal with the Billy and bricks later!
Ironman is all about endurance, you can’t race it if you haven’t got it, I dropped a guy that used to train with me after he suggested that we take a short cut on a 70 miler, “only do 50 but tell every one that we rode a fast 70”, the guys a cunt, 5 years down the line I am regularly placed in the top 4 in endurance events, and he’s still a gunner (gunner do this, gunner do that). Don’t lie about your training, when you do you are cheating yourself, to me that is a crime against your dreams. Make your mind up, are you going to commit to this or just be another gunner.
Learn to breathe, I’m not kidding, the amount of people who have trained with me that say they run out of breath is unreal. Why do you breathe, if you said “ to get oxygen into the system” BONG! Wrong answer. You breathe to get rid of toxic build up in the body, that and I’ve taken my foot off your throat. You need to breathe all the crap out of the lungs before you refill them, think about it, this is basic shit you should know.
Your blood fills up with Carbon Dioxide, dumps it in the lungs, you get rid of it by breathing out, if you don’t empty your lungs how can you replenish the oxygen in the muscles.
Focus on your breath, it will pay dividends.
Core
Without a strong core you have squat, I’m not talking 6 pack or a Muscle Mary, it’s developing core strength that you can build your endurance on. The following are photos of the exercises I do to develop my core, I know people have different name for them, don’t argue with me, just shut the fuck up and do them! Two or three times a week should do it, you must breathe with these exercises.
(I haven't got the room on this blog for the photos, look them up you idle twat)
The Plank, keep the body rigid for 6 normal breaths, do it 6 times and for fucks sake breathe…( insert photo here)
The Banana, lay on your side, find your balance, lift your legs and stretch down with your arm, hold for 6 breaths, do it 6 times. …( insert photo here)
The Sky Diver, onto your belly, lift your arms up and back at the same time as lifting your legs, 6 by 6. …( insert photo here)
Spotty Dog (gotta be over 40 to get that one), like the Sky Diver only opposite arm and leg, 6 by 6. …( insert photo here)
Mini-ups, like sit ups, but again just come up about 6 inches, watch your back and hold for 6 by 6. …( insert photo here)
This is not a substitute for weight training, you idle twat, it complements it.
Nutrition
Here’s some thing for you to think about, training does not make you faster or stronger. Training + recovery + right nutrition, will. Think about it, if you put shit fuel in a Formula One race car, it’s ain’t gonna run right, right!
Run your own car on too lean or too rich, a mixture and you get shit mileage, and/or a fucked up engine,
Think about it, you are that engine! Shit in = Shit out. I’m not talking about becoming a diet freak, just common sense. If you eat nothing but junk food, chips, burgers, kebabs, fry ups, vast quantities of booze, don’t expect the kind of recovery you get with Right eating. Plenty of clean carbs good balance of clean protein and a little good fat. Throw away the fucking frying pan! Stop living on take aways.
The ‘Eat all you can’ sign in restaurants is not a challenge, but it is fun, I’ve been to places with friends who where in heavy training like myself, after a while they ask us to ease up cos there are other people that would like to eat at the buffet, cool. Another time at a pasta party I was asked to put food back if I wasn’t going to eat it, Fucking muppet.
Clean carbs.
Pasta, bread, potatoes, rice (brown or white), sweet potatoes, loads of veggies, just don’t cover them in fats.
Clean protein.
Chicken, steak(lean), fish if you eat flesh, Quorn, TVP, cottage cheese if your Veggi. Again no fats.
Clean fats.
Peanut butter, olive oil, grapeseed oil. All used in moderation.
Lots of fluids, fuck off, that’s not an excuse to drink beer and claim your carbo loading, I tried that one, ended up in AA. Drink water, juices (if you can afford a juicer even better), energy drinks before, during and after training. Hydration is paramount.
My diet was really fucked up until my coach got hold of it, sorted me out a treat. Still inhale food 6 times a day, 4,500 – 5,000 calories a day in peak weeks. I’m a veggi, even so, don’t come near me when I’m eating unless you want to pull back a fucking stump, I think nothing of destroying a fully loaded Veggi pizza the size and thickness of a toilet seat on my own as a snack, you’ve gotta feed the machine!
Try to eat every 3 hours or so, it doesn’t have to be a full meal, just keep the stomach on idle, Fruit or energy bars to snack on during the day are good, small and regular through out the day, my last meal is about 10 o’clock at night, usually a peanut butter and banana sarni washed down with a protein shake, if your head is telling you, you can’t eat that late, look out side your front door, me and Ray Liotta are waiting there to pistol whip you, just like in the film Goodfellows, you pussy.
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